Ci Vediamo Quando Ci Vediamo: September 2008

Yesterday I went to the Geary Grounds where we had an intimate gathering of friends and drank the thug jug. That stuff is dangerous. Not even joking. Tonight I went to a bonfire at Ocean Beach with international students from all over the globe who were studying abroad at SFSU. I like the fact that Smores were a huge hit because no one had ever really had one before. I was invited out to the Mission and out by the Panhandle, but I just couldn't get myself to go out to the city tonight.

These past couple of weeks have been straining.My mind has been wondering way too much so I thought I'd lay it all out for once. It's been two months that I have been back in the States and a little over a month that I have been back in San Francisco. Needless to say, things have changed. People are growing up, building committed and serious relationships with boyfriends and girlfriends, getting serious jobs, graduating from school, moving to new cities or out of the country, turning 21, etc, etc. It's weird coming back. It's weird seeing the evolution of friends. It's weird being surrounded in a city that has provided me with some of the most vivid and interesting memories. I'm still not completely adjusted to it all. To be completely honest, I feel like I'm on vacation and that I am going back to Europe in a couple of weeks. My emotions have been all over the fucking place. When I'm walking downtown, walking around school, driving my car, or hanging out with friends, there is always a point during the day where I find myself in a daze. I feel like everything is hitting me all at once and I'm still trying to get a breath of air. I want to sit down with each and all of my friends over coffee and just chat about all the things that have gone on during this past year. I want to catch up and laugh and cry about the things I missed. I want to fill them in on the things that they missed and how much I missed them. My professors back in Italy always mentioned the fact that coming back was going to be one of the most difficult part of the entire process. First, you cry because all your friends are crying at your goodbye party, your sharing drinks, getting a little crazy, then you cry because you leave a city that has left an overwhelmingly amazing impression on you, then you cry because your flight is suppose to leave in 10 minutes from LAX and your mom won't stop hugging you. Then you get there, spend a good amount of time debating whether or not it was the right decision, calling home, trying to keep in contact with those that you left behind. Then you meet other great people, see new places, less crying, more fun, maybe a little too much fun. THEN, before you know it, you find yourself bawling your eyes out yet again. You wish that you could stay longer, you re-apply for a second year, you change your flight three times so that the experience could last longer, THEN you meet your family at the airport and while they are crying because they missed you, all you can cry about is the fact that your 14 hour flight and your oversized luggage are here to stay, hitting you like a ton of bricks.I don't really know what where I was going with all this shit... I guess all I can really do at this point is realize and accept the fact that the year IS over, that life GOES on, and that it just takes time for things to get back to "normal". I should just take what I learned and absorbed in Italy and apply it to the now. So with that being said, I'm going to tell myself to get the fuck over it, grow a pair of ballz, drink a glass of wine ( I know I am so euro now), and take a nap. And yes, I did say nap because my mother loves calling me bright and early on Sundays after she gets out of church.

1. Need job
2. Need to sleep more
3. Need to stop thinking so much about everything
4. Need to learn to control my fucking anger

Musica:
Danzig
"How the God's Kill"